Around here, life has been a mix of anxious mountain climbing and helpless free falls. It all started in September, when my older son began the college application process.
The months marched on and the holidays came and went, and after much list making and back and forth, the college decision was made – and then, we tumbled into the march of final days of high school.
His last days wearing a uniform, last time being driven by mom to school, his last, his last… a huge invisible countdown clock was ticking away these days and it seemed only I could hear the moments pass so tangibly by.
Each tick on this gossamer clock was a squeeze in my heart, reminding me to loosen my grip, to let go, to step back-
Then, he passed his Road Test and began to drive. Since the moment he took his first steps- I was there to catch the slip or stumble- I was an arms length away. As he drove away the road yawned so long between us. I stood watching long after his car slipped from my sight. Slipping – it all seems to be slipping no matter how hard I wish to hold on- for just a little bit more.
And that clock ticked on. Now we stand on the eve of his graduation, plans confirmed, lists checked twice. Ready to go. His cap and gown are hanging in my living room, honor cords draped over the chair.
We are here. Ready to turn the page and start this new chapter, together, but never again as we were. And as all these changes unfold, it’s fitting that summer has begun.
My little guy is 9. Water pistols and kiddie pools, chalk, fireflies, bubbles and water balloons are the magic of summer to him. S’mores over the deck fireplace are what he looks forward to at night. The big guy is looking forward to driving, and going and doing, being with his friends and making those awesome summer memories of a teen. He is making his own magic I guess.
I had 16 summers where I was the magic for both my boys. Where a good summer day was no further than a drive to the dollar store for some simple toys and a trip to the park. An afternoon by the pool followed by ice cream from the truck was bliss, and adventure was found under pillow forts in my living room.
Of course I know there are many more wonderful times to come, but that season of simple times with my first born is coming to an undeniable end. I’m feeling a lot of the feels right now, and you can be sure I’m holding on tight to the simple summer days I have with my little guy.
I decided to focus on little joys in my designs this season. When I find myself thinking back on the 16 summers I have enjoyed as a mom, it’s a collection of little moments that bring me to smile. A montage of simple times together. It strikes me hard now that they are not promised and they are not forever. And that yes, the days can be long and trying and downright hard, but gosh, those years are fast. And the pages turn so quickly-
But, we as memory keepers and photographers can reread. And relive. And remember. And, with photo taken, and each story told, we can stop that clock for a moment or two.
Girl, you had me in tears! My oldest is 20 and my youngest is 15…believe me, I know just how you feel. It is so hard to let go and so easy to just want to hold on even tighter. But you will get through it all, with the grace of God! I know you are super proud of the young man you have raised. Hugs to you!
Thanks so much Vanessa! XO!!
All the feels……..tears……..be proud of how joyfully you're raising your kids and that your oldest is about to fly! You've done a great job, Mom!