June is approaching. Faster than any June I have known since I was in school. It is barreling towards me twisting my heart on a rollercoaster ride that makes me want to cry and burst with pride all at once. You see, my older guy, Ryan is graduating from grammar school. He is in private school- which runs from kindergarten through 8th grade. Next step: high school. He’ll be riding a city bus by himself to school. How can that be? I still reach for his hand when we cross a busy street. He pretends not to see it- he’s 13. Holding mom’s hand is not the best look for a young man his age. He’ll smooch and hug lots at home, but no PDA please. It’s Ok. He knows it’s there. To guide him. Protect him. Come September, I can’t reach for him anymore as he goes off to school. He’ll be beyond my grasp. Walking into harder lessons, friends to be made, girls to crush on, a car to drive, and then, *blink* ….college. I am so excited for the new experiences I know that are on the horizon for him, but my heart aches for the lessons I know he must learn. We have worked hard to give him a compass to travel by. I just have to have faith that we have also taught him to use it well when we are not with him.
My little guy is also tearing at my heart strings. He is “stepping up” from kindergarten. He has grown so much since September, in so many ways. I look into his face and can’t see my “baby” any more. He is a little boy- getting bigger everyday. I take comfort though, that when I reach for his hand, he gladly squeezes mine and holds it all the way to the school line.
I squeeze back and hold on tight. Because I know how very hard it will be to let go.