If you have been following my drama you know my big guy, Ryan had spent a large part of the summer getting ready to try out for his Freshman football team. The kid never played football before- but got this stuck in his head and really went all at it. He worked out and trained with his dad almost every day. That was the first step. At the risk of sounding like a Freudian momster- you need to know that Ryan and I have always been close. I got him. I understood. I was the one who could motivate him, and make him feel better…. my husband is truly an amazing Dad- but when the going got tough, Ryan came to mom. Hello 13. Suddenly, Dad is the man. They have funny secret codes of eye rolls now to indicate I am out of my mind, or on the war path, or just a emotional mess. I get weepy with joy at happy little milestones and they crack up AT me. They are “the guys”.
It’s all good- I’ve read the magazines- now is the time in a teen boy’s life that he will become closer to his Dad or the male figure on his home… I get it. But, the secret I will share is that it hurts just a little. Because there is no rewind. Little boy lost. No more crumpled dandelions in pudgy fists or rocks and sticks collected with love and care and picked just for me. No more days spent with happy bliss in the park sprinklers….High school is starting in just a few days. He’ll be going on the bus, and stepping into a wonderful and hard and amazing time in his life. So many lessons to be learned. Steps to be taken. And many are in a direction away from me. The college that seemed a forever away really has to start becoming something we begin thinking of. I watch the moms with their teens shopping for Dorm gear and just stare at them hard…wondering. Doesn’t this hurt? Isn’t their heart breaking? How in the world do you do this? *sigh* I have some time… but I can see him turning towards life, towards the real world, and a little away from me.