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ForeverJoy Designs
My Joys my joys | it's the little things

trees, tears and 3 words to help.

It’s been awhile since I posted.  I feel like this is the first moment I can actually sit down and write without my thoughts sidetracking me- at least not too much so.  During Hurricane Irene, I lost 2 big branches off my tree in my back yard.  Yep.  It’s singular.  Tree.  I live in NYC, and even though I have a pretty nice sized yard- it’s really all relative.  By the standard’s of most of you- it’s a tiny yard.  It fits one tree.  But it is a beauty.
 A big Norwegian Maple that spreads across the yard and gives me shade and the boys visions of tree houses to build and climbs to be had… without going into the ugly details-  when the branches fell into my neighbor’s yard she got very nervous the whole tree would come down. There was no damage other than a dented PVC fence.  We offered to pay for the removal of the branches as well as the fence- but she stated the only thing they wanted was for the tree to come down. Arborists, tree removal experts have all said the contrary. The branches that were without leaves were damaged by a pool she put in a year ago- but a hard prune and fertilization would most likely help. The demands for removal of the tree have really been non stop.  A friendship of 15 years is now horribly strained- and there’s no way I can take the chance another branch will fall during treatment. So the tree is coming down next week.  I can’t even imagine how bare the yard will look.  Maybe I would have taken more pictures last year of the boys playing in the leaves if I had only known it was the last year they would be doing that.

 

In the big picture, I know this is not a real problem.  I know that there are a zillion blessings around me- and I don’t even know if I am so down about the tree, or about the deterioration of this friendship.  It’s not been pretty.  

During the height of this, school started. My little guy, as I suspected is not happy.  He has been in tears for two days now.  You can see the hurt in his heart when you   look at his little face as he stands on line.  He doesn’t cry loud.  He tries to be brave.  But the big tears just roll down his face as he stands on line.  I know each step he takes towards the school doors when they all follow the teacher inside must be so incredibly hard for him. Walking away.  He is walking away from mommy. From home.  From all he knows….  it hurts him so much.  And I cant make that go away.  This is the real problem in our house now.  Helping him with his transition. Helping him be strong, and see that the days will get better. I wish I could just put a bandage on his hurt, give it a kiss and make it go away…. but only time and constant reassurance will help.

see the little tissue in his hand?  That’s, what he calls his “tear tissue”. I tried putting kisses in it- but he said there was too much sadness in it- it’s didn’t have room. I tried giving him a new one, but he said, I just need to let my sadness out.  I’ll let you know when it’s time for a new one. ouch.

So, I’m not a happy camper right now.  I know it will change.  I know I need to step back- understand this is all momentary- this too shall pass… I hope, I have really prayed that I do a good job sheparding my little guy through this… and I know both boys are watching very closely to see how I handle the tree situation.  I am trying very hard to demonstrate grace under pressure. Maybe today, after school, I’ll pack them up for a little field trip- to the garden store.  We’ll get some mums, caramel apples… and maybe a tree.  Maybe two.


Maybe that’s what I can teach them.
An amazing lesson I often think back on from Robert Frost: “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”


Thank God it does.



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Patsy
Patsy
11 years ago

Oh, how sad! I know the tears and sadness will end for your little one and you but the time until it does always seems endless! As for the tree, I can truly relate. Our townhouse association decided that in order to put in new driveways they had to remove the 20-year-old trees that sat in between the units and provided shade for the bedrooms and the car that had to sit outside of the garage. We all voted no to the tree removal for three years but they did it any way. They had an ugly yellow crime scene tape around the tree for six months before the took it out. Every time we drive into our driveway I cry – and it's been over five years! To add insult to injury they only did this two some of the units and then decided they didn't like the job the blacktopping company did on the driveways and they've not done any since! I know "ife goes on" but it's a little less pretty and a lot hotter without my tree! Hugs to you and your little one!

Patsy
Patsy
11 years ago

Oh, how sad! I know the tears and sadness will end for your little one and you but the time until it does always seems endless! As for the tree, I can truly relate. Our townhouse association decided that in order to put in new driveways they had to remove the 20-year-old trees that sat in between the units and provided shade for the bedrooms and the car that had to sit outside of the garage. We all voted no to the tree removal for three years but they did it any way. They had an ugly yellow crime scene tape around the tree for six months before the took it out. Every time we drive into our driveway I cry – and it's been over five years! To add insult to injury they only did this two some of the units and then decided they didn't like the job the blacktopping company did on the driveways and they've not done any since! I know "ife goes on" but it's a little less pretty and a lot hotter without my tree! Hugs to you and your little one!

renne
11 years ago

Oh patsy- it would have driven me bananas to walk by that tape everyday and not know when the tree was coming down- and then to have the whole policy stop after your tree was cut down… madness!

Just to update- the little guy came out of school a little better than yesterday- baby steps, right?

and… we DID buy 2 trees today! I definitely feel {a little} better! Thanks for all your emails everyone!

renne
11 years ago

Oh patsy- it would have driven me bananas to walk by that tape everyday and not know when the tree was coming down- and then to have the whole policy stop after your tree was cut down… madness!

Just to update- the little guy came out of school a little better than yesterday- baby steps, right?

and… we DID buy 2 trees today! I definitely feel {a little} better! Thanks for all your emails everyone!

Nancy
Nancy
11 years ago

Renne, I'm so sorry things have been so difficult for you lately. It will get better. My granddaughter is in first grade this year. Last year started out horribly. She hated it at first and her feelings came out in attitude. There were a lot of tears but also back talk and arguing about anything and everything. She did adjust and ended up loving it and doing great. This year has gotten off to a fantastic start. She is very happy with her teacher and class and eager to go each day. It is wonderful that your little guy is getting better each day. That will continue as he becomes more comfortable in his new situation. Hang in there both of you. Sending my thoughts and prayers to you all.

I love that you bought 2 trees. You can plant them together with your boys and they will be able to watch them grow, and grow with their trees. I love how you take a very bad situation and turn it into a blessing. Thanks so much for your inspiration!

Nancy
Nancy
11 years ago

Renne, I'm so sorry things have been so difficult for you lately. It will get better. My granddaughter is in first grade this year. Last year started out horribly. She hated it at first and her feelings came out in attitude. There were a lot of tears but also back talk and arguing about anything and everything. She did adjust and ended up loving it and doing great. This year has gotten off to a fantastic start. She is very happy with her teacher and class and eager to go each day. It is wonderful that your little guy is getting better each day. That will continue as he becomes more comfortable in his new situation. Hang in there both of you. Sending my thoughts and prayers to you all.

I love that you bought 2 trees. You can plant them together with your boys and they will be able to watch them grow, and grow with their trees. I love how you take a very bad situation and turn it into a blessing. Thanks so much for your inspiration!

Anonymous
Anonymous
11 years ago

Thanks Nancy! I'm glad your granddaughter is enjoying it better this year- that ust have been hard last year. 🙁 and sure hope i don't get attitude from the little guy! My older boy, Ryan is just 13 and I told him I'm taking him to the eye doctor because he seems to have a problem rolling his eyes so much these days! {To which he sighed, "mommmmmm" and rolled his eyes 😉 I didnt think of it until you said it- two trees- one for each of my boys- I LOVE it! 🙂

Anonymous
Anonymous
11 years ago

Thanks Nancy! I'm glad your granddaughter is enjoying it better this year- that ust have been hard last year. 🙁 and sure hope i don't get attitude from the little guy! My older boy, Ryan is just 13 and I told him I'm taking him to the eye doctor because he seems to have a problem rolling his eyes so much these days! {To which he sighed, "mommmmmm" and rolled his eyes 😉 I didnt think of it until you said it- two trees- one for each of my boys- I LOVE it! 🙂

Anonymous
Anonymous
11 years ago

um- I had a hard time posting on my own blog- that "anonymous" just above is me, renne!;)

Anonymous
Anonymous
11 years ago

um- I had a hard time posting on my own blog- that "anonymous" just above is me, renne!;)

DoggiNo
11 years ago

Such grown-up words and sorrows for such a little boy. Sad that at such an early age, life already is so hard. As you said Life goes on … time and love will get you through in the end.
Take care.

DoggiNo
11 years ago

Such grown-up words and sorrows for such a little boy. Sad that at such an early age, life already is so hard. As you said Life goes on … time and love will get you through in the end.
Take care.